Dear Scrooge,

There really is no right or wrong answer here. Whichever side of the fence you land on, I suggest using chores as a teaching opportunity. Society is built on individuals filling roles that contribute to the success of the group as a whole. Each job is vital, and without everyone pulling his or her weight, the entire society comes crumbling down. A family is much like a mini-society. When everyone works together, the family flourishes. But if all the work falls on one or two people, the whole family suffers.

I like the technique of setting up responsibilities for each child to complete on a daily and weekly basis without being paid an allowance. The kids do these tasks because they are part of the family team, and their contribution ensures the success of the group. Set clear, measurable goals for every member of the family. Even the youngest child can pick up newspapers or feed the cat. Get everyone involved!

Then, if you want to, offer a small allowance for extra duties over and above their expected chores. Flip your daughter a couple of dollars for helping you wash the car. Stuff a few bucks in your son’s pocket when he picks up the basement. You might even throw in a few extra quarters if they do these things without your asking.

Now, if your wife’s mind is set on offering an allowance, you can compromise by setting up a minimum amount for their usual chores and add incentives for extra duties. The key is putting the emphasis on contributing to the family unit, not on pocketing some of Dad’s cash.

If you choose to offer an allowance, consider setting up a mandatory savings plan. Teach your children to save money by insisting they deposit 50% of their earnings into a bank’s savings account. Be sure to set clear parameters on how and when they can spend this savings. 

You can teach the value of money by having them pay for some of their “extras” with the remaining, spendable 50%. If you typically buy shoes from a local bargain store and they want expensive name brands, have them pay the difference with their own money. Or if they want the latest Wii game, insist they save their allowance and buy it with their own cash.  Kids need to know how to save and what it’s like to be broke. Teach them what it feels like to work hard for their money so they appreciate what they have.

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Dear Stuck,

I come from a softball family. Both of our daughters played competitive softball and my husband and I have coached for years, so I can see your situation from both the parent’s and the coach’s point of view.

As a parent, you play a very important position on your child’s softball team – Most Valuable Teacher and Supporter. Athletics are like school work, not all of the learning takes place on the field or at practices.  Find out what skills the coach wants your child to improve upon (homework) and commit to several short sessions each week for you and your child to practice this skill.  These practice sessions offer a great opportunity to bond with your budding athlete and allow you to share your knowledge of the game. Plus, it’s fun! Also remember that your child is watching your every move and learning from every cheer and jeer. Be sure you are teaching good sportsmanship by being supportive of coaches, umpires, team mates, competitors and your child! 

As a coach, I know that the majority of us are volunteers who are in it 1) because we have a child on the team and want to be involved or 2) because we love the game of softball. Whether it’s a competitive or rec team, coaches are giving their all. Do your best to support your coach by helping with the team, organizing snacks, cleaning the dugout, bringing water and allowing the coach to do the coaching.

And remember, if you have a problem with your child’s coach, do not confront him or her during or immediately after a game. Make contact at a time when the team and other parents are not around, and remember to be respectful when expressing your concerns.

Dear Sunny,

If your mood tumbles along with the falling autumn leaves, you aren’t alone. According to statistics from the American Academy of Family Physicians, six out of every 100 people in the United States suffer from winter depression or Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Another 10 to 20% may experience a more mild form of SAD.
SAD is characterized by annual episodes of depression in fall and winter which, dissipate in the warmer, brighter spring and summer months. SAD is directly related to changes in the amount of sunlight absorbed by the body, affecting body temperature, hormone production and an overall sense of well-being. The good news about SAD is that its symptoms melt away once warmer, sunnier weather returns. That fact isn’t much consolation, however, when the snow is ankle-deep, the wind chill is subzero and you are feeling blue.

As parents, our mood often rubs off on our children, so make the decision that you are going to approach this winter with a sunny new outlook. Commit to approaching each day as a new opportunity to explore the indoors. Plan ahead, be creative and have fun with your children. Here are a few affordable ways to enjoy the indoors:
Make an obstacle course out of soft items (like pillows and bean bag chairs) and reward the person who completes the course in the fastest time. Make a competition out of picking up the obstacle course after you are finished.Create a scavenger hunt throughout the house using items you have on hand. Let the winner choose dinner or a movie (or both!)

Have a “camp out” in the living room complete with sleeping bags and pillows. Turn off the television, light the fireplace and tell ghost stories. Make s’mores in the microwave for dessert. Pull out your old family videos and have a movie night starring your family. Kids love seeing themselves as babies and hearing stories about when they were learning to talk and walk, so take a trip down memory lane and share your memories.
Plan family outings to some of Omaha’s wonderful indoor entertainment spots. Explore the Joslyn Art Museum. Take a walk through the Lied Jungle at the zoo. Take a swim at a local indoor pool. Plan ahead for snow days by preparing a Snow Day Kit filled with games, coloring books and favorite snacks. On the rare warm winter day, get out and shoot some hoops, take a walk or play catch.
These are just a few ideas to warm your days, so don’t let the blustery winter weather get you down. Go back to the basics of doing simple, low-cost activities WITH your children and prepare to have fun during the winter months. It’s a great time to reconnect with what’s most important --your family.afasdf

 

Family Spectrum

 

Dear Daddio,

I’m with you!  I love summer and the memories I have from my childhood.  My friends and I would spend hours just sitting in the grass and dreaming about the future.  We would ride our bikes, eat popsicles in the yard, listen to music and read books. We made the most of the freedom we had in the summer to escape the responsibilities we had during the school year. 
 
Today, I see children who spend their summers going from day-camp to day-camp, committing hours to swim teams and diving teams, and eating most dinners in the car because they are running from one game or practice to another.  I honestly look at these families and ask, “Why?” 
 
Although many families (including yours) must utilize day care during the summer months while parents are at work, the evenings don’t have to be filled with activities.  Why not make this an unstructured, unplugged summer? 
 
There are so many “low tech” ways to have fun together.  Think back to the days before Nintendo DS, computer games and the Internet, and remember the things you liked to do as a child.
 
Here are a few ideas I used with my own children:
• Buy sidewalk chalk and decorate your driveway.  
• Put an old fashioned tire swing in your yard. 
• Blow the dust off that old ice cream maker and fix a big batch of strawberry. 
• Take a long drive. (Remember that?)
• Buy a super-sized pack of bubble gum, sit under a tree and have a bubble blowing contest.
• Pitch a tent in your back yard, grab a flashlight and spend the night under the stars. 
• Run through the sprinkler. 
 
These are the things your children will remember…not who finished in first place on Mario Kart.  So make the commitment to take it easy this summer.  If you do, I guarantee your family will make memories that will last a lifetime. 
 
Thanks for writing!

Janie

Dear Confused,

Cell phones are all the rage for adults and children alike.  They are fun, cool and useful, but for many pre-teens cell phones are seen as the ultimate status symbol -- a "must-have" for anyone old enough to press "Send." 
 
I agree that cell phones offer a great way for parents and children to stay in touch, but they are also a big responsibility and should be treated as such.  It is never a good idea to buy something for a child just because all of her friends have one.  As a parent, it is your responsibility to evaluate your own daughter’s maturity level and decide if she is ready for such an important step. 
 
If you choose to provide your child with a phone, establish some rules first:
What are your child’s time limits?
Who pays for the phone? The minutes? The texting? The over allotted time?
Does she have to earn her phone in some way (chores, good grades, etc.)?
What are the rules regarding cell phones at school?

On the other hand, if you decide that now is not the time to provide her with a phone, tell her why you have concerns and what she can do to earn the privilege of getting one.   Whatever you decide, go with your gut.  You know if your child is ready.

Janie

Dear Cindy,

It’s important to teach children at a young age that they are part of the family.  And with the privileges of family life come responsibilities.  Everyone, even the youngest child, should take part in keeping the household in good order.  Do we want our sons and daughters growing up thinking mom and dad will always do the chores?  I think not! 
 
Many jobs like vacuuming, dishes and laundry can be broken down into smaller tasks that each age level can help with.  The youngest boy can match socks and fold underwear, your middle child can load and unload the dishwasher, and your oldest would probably have fun running the vacuum cleaner.  As they get older, the boys can take on more. 
 
I also suggest developing a Chore Chart to keep track of who does what.  Check off chores as they are completed and reward the kids for a job well done. Remember, it’s a family! 
 
Your husband is right, it will take time to teach your sons to perform some of the tasks, but isn’t that our “job” as parents…to TEACH?  Be sure to spend time with the boys while they are learning so they know what you expect.  Don’t expect them to be flawless from the start.  Be patient and have fun.  They won’t be perfect, but then again are we?
 
Thanks for writing!

Janie